Our Stories…
Postnatal depression, anxiety, OCD and PTSD come in many forms, and everyone’s experience is different. We have shared some of our stories here to show you that you are not alone…
Crippling Postnatal Anxiety
“It came like a thief in the night, almost in an instant, stealing my smile, an anxiety so deep it wormed its way into my very soul. I was devoured by postnatal depression and anxiety, and there was nothing I could do to escape it. Soon I was gone…. Gone to everyone who knew and loved me. All that remained was a shell of my former self.” One mother talks about how postnatal anxiety appeared out of nowhere, and how through medication and the incredible support her family, she slowly found the will to keep going.
Battling the Massive Storm
“The numbness continued to linger, I felt no emotion or warmth for anything, anyone, not even a gorgeous sunny day or the beautiful smiles of my children. The weight of the pain consumed me. The only rush of emotion and excitement I got, was the thought of not living anymore - and not even the thought of seeing my children growing up could pull me back from that. There was something deep inside fighting though - and while now I am certainly not the same person as before - I’m more fragile, maybe a little broken - the veil has lifted.” A mother remembers how friendship, support and understanding made all the difference.
Psychosis & the Heartbreak of Missing It All
“I refused to believe she was mine. I couldn't bond, I felt nothing - or I felt intense anger. I felt like all I'd ever wanted to be was a mummy. But I could not love my baby. There were days when my husband would have to hold her on to me to feed. I never picked her up, I didn't want to touch her and the longer that went on the harder it was to try.” From terrifying psychosis to OCD and depression, one mother shares her story of the bravery it took to reach out, and the incredible help she found when she did.
The Monster of Perinatal OCD
“I became very aware of the overwhelming responsibility I had for this little human growing inside me. It was like my OCD from years ago but multiplied by an infinite amount. I felt I was the only person responsible for making sure this helpless little treasure would grow into a healthy baby and that if anything went wrong I’d be forever to blame. I just wanted someone to end my life because I couldn’t see anyway out of this life of utter terror.” Learning to live with OCD, taking back control and finding the joy in new life.
It Wasn’t Supposed To Be Like This
“I had to sit there, in floods of tears and tell my GP that I didn’t feel anything for my daughter, that I couldn’t cope with my son. I felt like a fraud. I’m Wonder Woman, I’m Zen Em who can cope with everything, approaches life in the yogic way and is a perfect mummy, yet there I was getting excited about killing myself, sneakily making my husband look after our baby girl and taking antidepressants just to try and cope with it all. The journey out of it was long and hard - but oddly this empowered me to try even harder.” One mother described her incredible journey from suicidal thoughts to deep joy and self-worth.
“She made broken look beautiful and strong look invincible. She walked with the Universe on her shoulders and made it look like a pair of wings.”
The Black Fog of Postnatal Depression
“And the truth is, the real truth, is that I have never been more uncertain, more frightened, more alone, more exhausted, more emotionally wrung out, more stuck, more disappointed in myself, more doubtful, more ashamed and more broken than I have been in the past 12 months. I have been shocked at the depths and lengths that motherhood in these extremes can push you to.” One mother talks about going from sleep deprivation, twins and crushing depression to hope and embracing the things that try to break us.
The Terror of Intrusive Thoughts
“I tried to get help from the GP but she just said, “You’re not going to actually do it, are you because then we’d have to get someone in?” and gave me pills. I of course said no, but in my mind I was thinking, ‘Yes, I think I will do it!’ The thoughts were that strong. I started to have hallucinations, I remember thinking that my cats were going to kill me and I couldn’t look at them either.” One mother describes how a traumatic birth and failures in her care led to crippling OCD and psychosis, as well as horrifying intrusive thoughts about harming her baby. But she also shares her extraordinary path to recovery - her bravery and courage shine through it all.
This Girl is on Fire
“Behind me, some of the most extraordinarily brave and broken women I know are shouting my name. Behind them stands my family, smiles and awe cracked across their faces, the children jumping up and down on the wet grass. In that moment, I was mummy, wife, daughter, friend, sister, leader, follower, broken, hopeful, powerful, firewalker.” Shine mum Emma writes about her experience of walking on fire with all of her incredible Shine sisters. Raising over £9k for Shine, our phoenixes walked on fire and changed their lives.
“What screws us up most in life, is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be.”